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A few days ago, we went to dinner at a local restaurant with a
few friends who were visiting from out-of-town.
Since this is a very popular place to eat, we were told that the
wait would be 30-40 minutes. While we were waiting to be seated,
we talked, laughed, had fun and even sang and danced to the
music that was playing in the background.
Although the hostess thought we were acting very strangely for
seemingly normal adults in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s, she began
having fun with us, as well as some of the other people who were
waiting with us.
As we were seated well under the 30-40 minute wait, we continued
our fun with the waitress as we ordered and ate our food. The
owner, who had looked stressed when we came in, began joining in
our fun and even posed with us for a group photo.
What that taught us is how infectious fun, laughter and a
positive frame of mind is and how it can affect those around us
and the situations we find ourselves in.
We could have gone to the restaurant, been upset by the wait and
grumbled about our situation but we had it as our intention to
have fun, enjoy ourselves and have a great meal. It’s no
coincidence that that’s exactly what happened.
Okay, you’re probably wondering what does this have to do with
creating better marriages?
Just like in our example– The answer is–that we can use the
power of our intentions to create marriages that are filled with
more of what we want rather than what we don’t want. Great
marriages are created by your intentions, focus, attitude and
strategies and skills that you practice moment by moment.
So often we either have no positive intention for our
experiences or because of negative talk in our heads, we focus
on what can go wrong.
People often consciously or unconsciously create atmospheres of
fear and distance with the people in their lives. What we have
discovered is that it’s just as easy to create an atmosphere of
fun, love and connection as it is to create relationships filled
with what we don’t want.
Some of you might be asking–if it’s so easy, why doesn’t
everybody do it?
Many of us have been “programmed” to look for problems before
they happen and to focus on what is “wrong” with the situation
and not what is “right.” Also, as painful as it is to admit,
some people hang onto relationships and situations that don’t
serve them because there’s some underlying payoff for being the
victim or martyr.
That all sounds pretty cruel to say but sometimes this
“programming” is so deep within us that we don’t even realize
what’s going on.
Here are a few suggestions for creating more positive marriages
and a happier, more fulfilled life:
1. No matter what the situation or relationship, create your
intention for what you want. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It
can simply be saying to yourself–”Here’s what I want to
happen….” and be excited about it. Actively begin focusing on
what you want for your experiences and not what you don’t want.
2. Stay open to new possibilities for your marriage and your
life. If you intend what you want to happen but are not open to
the possibility that your life and marriage can change, they
won’t. Keep the past in the past and stay focused on the
present.
3. Make having fun a priority in your marriage and in your life.
Having fun means different things to different people. Figure
out what having fun means to you and do those things and create
those experiences on a regular basis.
A friend of our once commented to us that life is one big
adventure. We’d like to add that life can be filled with joy or
filled with pain and the choice is up to you.
We lovingly invite you to take one step–even a small one–
toward creating what you want this week.
Have you ever heard the expression, “The Urge to Merge”?
It is a term relating to sexuality and marriage. The “URGE” symbolizes sexual interest, and the “MERGE” symbolizes marriage union.
We see it all around us!
Late night TV bombards us with sexual images and sensual content. Commercials that have nothing to do with sex use a sensual foundation to market to the masses. More than ever in history our minds seem to be more interested in the sex-drive channel than in channeling the sex-drive.
We call this, “The SURGE of the URGE”.
Let’s travel back in time about sixty years before we became so technologically advanced and started opening up the bedroom door for anyone with an appetite and “prying eyes”. Many of the older generation know of what time I speak! Back when some things were still considered sacred and “The SURGE of the URGE” was yet in the future.
It used to be that life was about marriage and family principles. It used to be that faith and family were the criteria for determining life success. In other words, it was about the “MERGE”. Family and relationship building principles for living was the norm.
Then came The Beatles, Elvis, Rock-and-Roll and yes, Hugh Hefner and Playboy.
Gradually our society began to shift its thinking and embrace a mindset for the “URGE” itself. The sexual revolution stepped onto the horizon, and “The SURGE of the URGE” was born and became the focus.
Sadly, and to our demise I might add, the “MERGE” has been placed on the shelf and in many cases mocked and ridiculed.
For over fifty years now we have been a world dominated with a fascination for the “URGE”.
Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Strip Clubs, Porn Movies, Girls Gone Wild, Spring Break, Wild On, etc. The Music Industry lyrics display this same “URGE” mentality and, of course, let’s not forget the recent Halftime Super Bowl antics.
We even went through a time in recent history where the “URGE” became the main topic of conversation surrounding the Presidency of the United States.
Maybe, instead of just enacting and enforcing laws and high-dollar fines…maybe, instead of just issues of censorship…maybe, instead of just battling it out in the boardroom and courtroom…maybe we should do something so foreign as to go back to the shelf, dust off the idea that marriage and family life is where it’s really at and get our focus back on the importance of the “MERGE”.
Being wanted for a “Night of a Lifetime” can never fully satisfy, fulfill or replace the greatest longing of our hearts for being wanted for a “Lifetime of Nights”.
Let’s all consider taking the “MERGE” down from the shelf. Marriage and family life will always play the greatest role in our civilization.
The greatest gift we will ever give the world is a stable home.
(C)Copyright 2004 Stanley J. Leffew
All Rights Reserved!
Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, “How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime”. His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why feeding desire and leading-with-the-body in life and relationships fails to satisfy the longing of the human heart to connect at http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.
The world is full of flowers. Visit any place dedicated to flowers and you will be amazed at the types of flowers, and facts about them. Flowers come in all shapes, and colors. Some of them can intoxicate you with their lovely perfume. Some are so delicate that one fears touching them. And all of them are stunningly beautiful. still, it is the Rose which is preferred around the world as a flower of choice on the Valentine’s day? I wonder about this. And though I have not tried to search for the reasons, here is my own theory on why it is so. One another fact struck me. We can get Roses in many colors but still it the dark red that is preferred as the flower of love. Why?
Let us first think about the color choice. I think that dark red must be the preferred color as it looks like red. And every true lover is ready to shed his/her blood for the beloved. Also love is associated with the heart, and heart pumps blood. So red signifies love. Colors have their own significance, looking at any white color, the first thought is of purity. Same way red means love.
Now let us examine our central theme. Why Rose? A Rose has thorns. But the thorns are below the Rose. The Rose represents life beautifully. It has very soft petals, that tell us about the soft side of living and thorns to convey that life is not all the bed of Roses without thorns. What does a lover do? A true lover will always take the thorns and give only the soft flowers to his/her darling. That is love and love demands that one give only comfort to one’s darling. Love demands sacrifice. Love demands giving of joy. Love demands that all pain be kept away from the beloved. That is also the message a lover sends across to his/her beloved with a Rose. I have kept the thorns with myself and I am sending you these soft flowers . I think this is the reason why on Valentine’s day, the red Rose is the flower of choice.
The author, C.D.Mohatta writes on motivation, management, love, holidays etc. His text messages can be found in free wallpapers. The desktop wallpapers are available for free download in
topics of nature, holidays, spiritual, animals, birds etc. The author also writes for ecards and greetings and romantic ecards.